Day 12: Small Talk
Something I've noticed since starting this project - the majority of the small talk I participate in is related to consuming culture or news. I don't think I'm alone in this. Except for the portion of Americans whose small talk runs more towards sports (something I've never been interested in), I think this is fairly common.
Give a listen to a room of coworkers or any group of acquaintances and you'll hear a lot of "Did you read...?" "Did you see...?" "Did you watch...?" "Have you listened to...?"
Until recently, this was so normal as to be invisible. Now I find it somewhat unsettling. The banality of this conversational gambit now suggests to me a pattern of consuming too much entertainment and information, at least among the sorts of people I find myself hanging out with. So now that I've noticed this, I've been thinking about the possible functions this kind of small talk might serve.
It identifies us. Certain pop cultural preferences will identify us to those of the same tribe and lower or raise our value in their eyes. This may be somewhat ridiculous, but it's also true. There are very few tastes that would squash my interest in knowing a person,* but it's easy to pique my interest by, say, really loving Quentin Tarantino or having seen and enjoyed "I Heart Huckabees" or actually having read and loved more than one Jane Austen novel** Rightly or wrongly I believe that people who share my tastes in pop culture may also be similar types of people who hold the same values that I do. In some cases this may be true. I do think it takes a certain type of patience, intelligence and earnestness to value Jane Austen, and a certain type of rebelliousness and dark sense of humor to be delighted rather than offended by Tarantino. But we often put a lot of value on these tastes, and when I really think about it, I couldn't name most of my friends' favorite movies and most of them don't read Jane Austen.***
It's a safe topic. Politics and religion are notoriously verboten, though politics have often been discussed in the liberal enclaves I often find myself living in. But talking culture is also safer for a lot of people than revealing anything truly personal about themselves - whether that be a less than perfect family life or an illness or financial trouble or even something positive, like going on a first date or finishing your short story. People are often reluctant to share their real lives. I've never understood this much, but it does seem to be the case. To get to know a lot of people it seems like you have to discuss layers of pop culture until bit by bit you get a little something real - - if you like the same TV shows, that is.
It's a competition. This is the most insidious form, and fortunately I haven't encountered much of it lately, or maybe I've become oblivious to it. Watching, reading, listening to, taking in everything has become some sort of badge of honor. There are checklists on the internet of the great books you should have read, movies you should have seen. You can share your scores on Facebook. I've done it, and I've felt proud of myself for having a better score, sadly enough. People do this in conversation too, this type of checklist - "Have you seen ...? You haven't! I can't believe it. You've gotta see that! Oh, and that too!" Hell, I had a conversation like that today, with "Idiocracy", though I will say I wasn't trying to one-up or impress anybody (this time). This also happens in activist and academic communities, where people aren't necessarily taken seriously unless they have read the latest theorist or article. To keep up with this type of competition, consuming becomes like a second job. People keep stacks of books by their bed that they feel guilty about not having read. Why the hell should we feel guilty about something like this? Who are we really letting down by not having finished some new book? The book has already been published, and the author has already been paid. It's great to read, but when consumption becomes a duty rather than a pleasure or a privilege, something has gone wrong.
In the coming weeks, I would like to try and see if I can change my small talk to be less about what I've read watched and seen and more about the real people and situations I am interacting with. It is such a habit to fall into the pop culture conversation that I'm not sure it will be easy to break. But I'd like to at least alter it a bit. Not that there's anything wrong with sometimes talking about books, movies, etc. After all, art is a reflection of life and can open us up to discussing great ideas and feelings. But when the mirror becomes a substitute for what it is reflecting... then it's time for a change.
Oh, and here's something to consume to illustrate my point, just to make this blog sort of oddly hypocritical:
*Thinking that the "Star Wars" prequels are better than the original trilogy being a notable exception.
**And not, please, immediately referencing "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" or that sad Keira Knightley adaptation.
***Though I think a solid majority admire at least most of Tarantino's films.
Give a listen to a room of coworkers or any group of acquaintances and you'll hear a lot of "Did you read...?" "Did you see...?" "Did you watch...?" "Have you listened to...?"
Until recently, this was so normal as to be invisible. Now I find it somewhat unsettling. The banality of this conversational gambit now suggests to me a pattern of consuming too much entertainment and information, at least among the sorts of people I find myself hanging out with. So now that I've noticed this, I've been thinking about the possible functions this kind of small talk might serve.
It identifies us. Certain pop cultural preferences will identify us to those of the same tribe and lower or raise our value in their eyes. This may be somewhat ridiculous, but it's also true. There are very few tastes that would squash my interest in knowing a person,* but it's easy to pique my interest by, say, really loving Quentin Tarantino or having seen and enjoyed "I Heart Huckabees" or actually having read and loved more than one Jane Austen novel** Rightly or wrongly I believe that people who share my tastes in pop culture may also be similar types of people who hold the same values that I do. In some cases this may be true. I do think it takes a certain type of patience, intelligence and earnestness to value Jane Austen, and a certain type of rebelliousness and dark sense of humor to be delighted rather than offended by Tarantino. But we often put a lot of value on these tastes, and when I really think about it, I couldn't name most of my friends' favorite movies and most of them don't read Jane Austen.***
It's a safe topic. Politics and religion are notoriously verboten, though politics have often been discussed in the liberal enclaves I often find myself living in. But talking culture is also safer for a lot of people than revealing anything truly personal about themselves - whether that be a less than perfect family life or an illness or financial trouble or even something positive, like going on a first date or finishing your short story. People are often reluctant to share their real lives. I've never understood this much, but it does seem to be the case. To get to know a lot of people it seems like you have to discuss layers of pop culture until bit by bit you get a little something real - - if you like the same TV shows, that is.
It's a competition. This is the most insidious form, and fortunately I haven't encountered much of it lately, or maybe I've become oblivious to it. Watching, reading, listening to, taking in everything has become some sort of badge of honor. There are checklists on the internet of the great books you should have read, movies you should have seen. You can share your scores on Facebook. I've done it, and I've felt proud of myself for having a better score, sadly enough. People do this in conversation too, this type of checklist - "Have you seen ...? You haven't! I can't believe it. You've gotta see that! Oh, and that too!" Hell, I had a conversation like that today, with "Idiocracy", though I will say I wasn't trying to one-up or impress anybody (this time). This also happens in activist and academic communities, where people aren't necessarily taken seriously unless they have read the latest theorist or article. To keep up with this type of competition, consuming becomes like a second job. People keep stacks of books by their bed that they feel guilty about not having read. Why the hell should we feel guilty about something like this? Who are we really letting down by not having finished some new book? The book has already been published, and the author has already been paid. It's great to read, but when consumption becomes a duty rather than a pleasure or a privilege, something has gone wrong.
In the coming weeks, I would like to try and see if I can change my small talk to be less about what I've read watched and seen and more about the real people and situations I am interacting with. It is such a habit to fall into the pop culture conversation that I'm not sure it will be easy to break. But I'd like to at least alter it a bit. Not that there's anything wrong with sometimes talking about books, movies, etc. After all, art is a reflection of life and can open us up to discussing great ideas and feelings. But when the mirror becomes a substitute for what it is reflecting... then it's time for a change.
Oh, and here's something to consume to illustrate my point, just to make this blog sort of oddly hypocritical:
*Thinking that the "Star Wars" prequels are better than the original trilogy being a notable exception.
**And not, please, immediately referencing "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" or that sad Keira Knightley adaptation.
***Though I think a solid majority admire at least most of Tarantino's films.
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